Review: Hau Tree Lanai

Wow. I’ve really neglected this blog recently. >.<

…whoops. Sorry guys. (^^)v

So about…a month ago I finally had my belated birthday dinner back home with the parentals at Hau Tree Lanai at the Kaimana Hotel near the Honolulu Zoo. This place is my parent’s go-to spot for romantic dates…no wonder I haven’t been there yet. Daughter at romantic dinner = NOT romantic at all. HAHA 

Unfortunately, even with all the hype from my parents, I didn’t really care for this place at all. #utterdisappointment

Seriously…UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT. Even the view wasn’t enough to justify the price we paid for the meal. BOOFACE

At least the menu was pretty to look at. I love hardbound menus with neatly printed inserts. *strokes menu (I swear I’m not creepy.)

First let’s start with the good. THE VIEW WAS PRETTY. (*o*)

Here’s what it looked like at the start of the meal…

Doesn’t the water look gorgeous???

As the sun started to set…

Orange, fuchsia, and purple towards the end of the sunset…

So that was nice…now onto the food…-__-;;;

I’m sorry…did I order shit wine that can be served in a glass like that? I think not, thank you very much. Seriously, this is one of my pet peeves…USE THE CORRECT WINE GLASS. Especially when the next table orders the same wine and you provide them with the correct red wine glass. (JUST FYI, they did change the wine glass for me…I felt like such a snooty foodie bitch…but it tasted SO MUCH BETTER afterward.)

The crab cakes. I actually did enjoy this appetizer. It was full of crab and I thought the sauces complemented the dish very well. If you’re a crab cake fan, you’ll definitely enjoy this.

Ahi sashimi. This was delicious as well, but nothing special. For a restaurant of this caliber, I was expecting the fish to be a little more spectacular and fresher. I enjoyed the seaweed salad…it was a unique addition that I’m not accustomed to seeing with sashimi.

Caprese Salad. This…was a disappointment. The cheese was hard, old, and sort of gritty. Bleh. I think I’ve been spoiled by the burrata/mozzarella cheese that I’ve had in San Diego’s Little Italy. Bleh bleh bleh. I’ll pass.

Next up…the entrees.

Fisherman’s Stew. My dish for the night. Also the worst. All the seafood was overcooked and the shellfish was so gritty. Double thumbs down. The broth was delicious but it couldn’t make up for the poor execution. And…THEY PUT SHITTY CHEESE ON THE BREAD. WTF. Totally ruined that part of the dish too. Such a disappointment.

Furikake Ahi with pasta. The ahi was super fresh. I would definitely recommend getting it rare. The pasta was delicious as well because it’s just covered in garlic and butter. But again, not really worth the price you pay, in my opinion. Definitely one of the better dishes of the night.

New york steak. Was pretty tender and delicious, but not as good as Jockos. #biased

Post -dinner caffeine kick. It was…okay. Not the best coffee, but enough to keep me from keeling over from overeating. ^o^

My birthday cake! Chocolate lava cake w/ yummy fruits and vanilla ice cream. It was okay…not as good as Trader Joe’s frozen chocolate lava cake but nonetheless. DELISH. I just wish the center had more moltengoodness. I think this is a good time for me to use the hashtag #fattystatus

Dessert numero two. Rainbow sorbet. Mango, coconut, and…something pink. haha >.< The mango sorbet was really potent and it was actually a bit much for me. It wasn’t creamy and smooth like those delicious mangos that are so plentiful right now.

Oh…and I was being a total creepster during dinner. Proof below. >:-D

I couldn’t resist. There were two couples taking their wedding photos on the beach and I wanted in on the photo shoot. Haha. This is the nicest photo from my set. ^o^

So overall…Hau Tree Lanai was a disappointment. But the activities on the beach and watching the setting sun made it slightly more worth it. SLIGHTLY. Will I be coming here again? Probably not.

Did I have a good time? Yeah, of course. I was with the awesome parentals. ^o^


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