(Forewarning: This post will be a lot different from my recent foodie/exploration posts.)
I usually don’t use google+. Hardly anyone in my circle of friends (hah, see what I did there? Genius status) uses it so I usually default to using facebook or twitter to keep up with the happenings within my group. But when my friends do post on Google+ the content always “shines”. It’s always something that I need but don’t know where to find.
Today my friend shared “Unsolicited Advice for Women Who Date the Wrong Men” from Thought Catalog. Honestly speaking, I only read the article since she asked for thoughts on it (I assumed that it would be like one of those useless, waste of time Cosmopolitan love/sex articles). But I’m glad that I read the article — it was that “something” I was searching for but didn’t know where to find.
The first piece of advice that resonated with me was the following:
“He’s shy.” That’s fine. Shy guys still have a voicebox to say, “I like you” and fingers that can pick up a phone. “That’s not his style.” Sharing his thoughts with another human being isn’t his style? Is that a quality you’re looking for in a partner?
All too often I hear friends (and myself) making excuses for their boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s poor communication skills. They’re shy, or It’s a touchy subject, so I’ll just wait for them to feel comfortable enough to tell me what’s going on. To some extent yes, this is reasonable. But what’s the point then of having that individual be THAT PERSON in your life?
(Sidenote rant: Boys (yes, boys, not men), it’s really immature to use that “but all that matters is that I feel it in my heart, right? I don’t need to say those…three words…” GROW A PAIR OF BALLS. That is all.)
The second piece of advice that resonated with me was the following:
Can I tell you something? Guys are not “too busy” to text or call you. The leader of the free world has time to tuck his wife into bed, but you think the i-banker you met last week is too busy to dial your number?
When life hits hard and it seems like you have 40 hours worth of shit to complete during the course of your workday, you have to prioritize in order to keep your sanity. Some text messages are ignored until the craziness passes. Some phone calls are dismissed in order to most efficiently complete the task at hand. And some people are pushed to the side until a more convenient time. Wait, I’m your girlfriend/boyfriend and I just fell into that last category? Guess you’re not worth the 5 seconds it takes to text a “<3” or “^o^” or the 30 seconds it takes to make that “good night, babe” phone call. Are you okay with that?
Granted, no one will ever be the perfect companion. Those habits that occasionally irritate you to the point where you want to pull out your hair and those moments of complete idiocy that make you smack your face and shake your head in disapproval infuse a unique beauty into a relationship. The kiss or hug you get after they realize you’re irritated beyond belief, or the embarrassed smile they flash after you mutter “I can’t believe you just did that” under your breath, remind you of the many reasons why they’re irreplaceable.
So even though everyone should search for their perfect someone, I think it’s important to also recognize the value of their imperfections. After all, I think it’s those moments when you find these imperfections endearing that you get those butterflies and know that you found the right person.
For now though, if you are that lucky bastard who has already found that “perfectly imperfect” person for you, then props. I congratulate you on your fairytale love life while begrudgingly wondering where the fuck my prince charming is.