I’ll admit that I don’t come off as the most empathetic, caring, or selfless person when you first meet me. In fact, you’d probably come up with adjectives that describe the complete opposite. You’ll probably think that I’m loud, obnoxious, self-centered, and ignorant to the needs of those around me. (In fact, most of my really good friends have told me that I’m not really the best at making good first impressions. Maybe I’ll share stories of their first impression of me later if anyone gives a damn.) But I think I do manage to redeem myself (to some extent) after people take the time to know me better. Or…I hope so at least. X.X
That being said, recognizing your shortcomings does diddly squat if you don’t do anything about it. So I’ve been making an effort to show that other side to me on a daily basis. (So far whenever I do my self-assessment I find myself banging my head on the desk when I realize I STILL REALLY SUCK AT THIS.) Today was one of those days when I just straight up failed.
We were in class and I wanted to know if my other friends were going to this flash mob practice for Spring Preview day this weekend. So of course, in true Chantelle fashion, I swaggered up to them and was like “Yo! You going to this stupid flash mob whatever the f*ck? Cuz…I don’t wanna man. I wanna eat!” Then I realized everyone had this “oh shit” look on their faces. I was confused as to why everyone looked like that (I was trying to figure out what I had done) but quickly put the pieces together when I saw my other friend was crying.
Now, the correct reaction to this would be to say something like, “What’s wrong? Did something happen? I’m here for you girl if something happened.” And you know, you pat their back and stuff too. Of course, I didn’t do that. What was my reaction? AH WHAA? SHIET SON. DID I MISS SOMETHING? *FACEPALM* Good thing my friend was there to make up for my epic fail. And of course, to make matters worse, I just stood there like an idiot afterwards because I had no idea what was going on and I realized I just sounded like a complete d-bag. Good job, self.
That being said, I learned two things today.
1. I still epically fail at trying to express my more caring side on a daily basis.
2. Life is hard for everyone and there’s always SOMEONE out there that has more shit on their plate than you. (Okay, not like a totally new revelation, but one that I needed to be reminded of today.)
In addition to feeling like a d-bag about failing to be a supportive friend at that moment, I felt like an asshole for worrying about stupid stuff like booking a hotel for my birthday weekend in San Diego after seeing my friend breakdown like that. Ughhh talk about getting a reality check (more like ass whooping).
So folks, don’t be an asshole/d-bag like I was today. If you’re feeling like you got it bad and you keep saying FML FML FML…remember there’s probably someone close to you (not just some random kid in Africa) that has it as bad, or worse.