Say What?

I am ALWAYS chatting with friends when I’m on my computer. Regardless of how much crap I have to finish that day, I will ALWAYS respond to people on gchat, AIM, FB chat, or Skype (if I’m online). It makes life less painful for me and supposedly more enjoyable for my friends…especially when I’m delirious. That’s when the magic happens. Of course, I can’t take ALL THE CREDIT for the hilarity that ensues in my online conversations (only certain people bring out the best in me) but I can take credit for some of it. ^o^

So one of my friends suggested that I share some of my winning conversations on my blog (probably so she can relive the moments later on) and I thought…WHY THE FUCK NOT. So here we go. Enjoy folks. Hopefully this shit is actually funny. Otherwise this will probably be the kiss of doom for my blog. X.X

NUMERO UNO
KK:
lolol!! is someone ready for marriage?!
Me: OH HELLS TO THE NO THANK YOU
if there was one thing i def learned during my time w/ (insert most recent ex-bf’s name)….it’s….that….MARRIAGE SCARE THE FUCK OUTTA ME
X.X
KK: LOL
Me: holy shit…i forgot the “s” at the end of “scare”
and it made me sound fobby
*dies a little inside*
oh the horror
KK: bahahahhhha
Me: i’m lawlzing in my chair

Before you call me a racist/ignorant bitch/whatever the fuck let me explain why I reacted this way (and why my friend KK probably thought it was funny). Said ex-bf isn’t from the states so my typo (product of delirium induced by 8 finals in 6 days) was awkwardly and painfully funny because:

1. Reminded me of him
2. Scared me because the idea of me starting to sound like him FREAKED ME OUT
3. I was in denial about just how tired/delirious/mentally unstable I was and the fact that this conversation occurred was a big reality check for me. ONLY DELIRIOUS ME WOULD MAKE SUCH A WEIRD OBSERVATION fml

But in all seriousness, I have nothing against people with accents or have weird isms when they talk. Get to know me better before judging harshly? ^o^

Numero…two (I can’t count in Spanish)
Me: noiceeee
every time i wanna study
EL: gonna cook some spaghetti for my woman tonight 😄
Me: i get the urge to poop
haha
EL: thank u…
Me: YAYY SPAGHETTI
lol
haha
EL: thank you for that WONDERFUL insight into your life
Me: you is welcome

In all seriousness, I REALLY needed to poop. Like. Seriously was the fastest poop ever. Those fiber one brownies, man. They really turn you into a magical poop machine.

Numero Three
Me:
IF I WEAR THESE (nota bene: referring to pasties)
I BETTER FUCKING LAND A HOT ASS GUY AT THE CLUB
MB: hahahaha
Me: if i land an ugly, desperate guy
i will shoot a bitch
looooool

So backstory. My birthday is this week and I told my friend MB that I wanted to go clubbing (it’s been AGES since I last went). She gave me two options for my outfit: one, my very short gold skirt; or two, my backless white dress. The gold skirt, is short. VERY SHORT. Didn’t realize this until I got out of the car, and got hit on by two random guys on the way to a club. FML. That skirt has not see the light of day since. (There was a lot of untagging during the next few days as pictures surfaced on Facebook.) The white dress was a random purchase at Spiral Girl Hawaii. My mom insisted I get it since it would be a good BEACH DRESS. In other words, appropriate clothing when I’m already planning on being half-naked.

So I (obviously) chose the white backless dress. But MB and my friend Akin weren’t happy with me just wearing the dress. I supposedly was a retard for thinking that wearing a nice lacy bra (clasp in the front!) was acceptable. Backless dress means BACKLESS. So they insisted that I wear either those pasties or one of those silicon push-up bras. Even though this makes me VERY UNCOMFORTABLE (and it’s very hard to make me uncomfortable) it’s still the lesser of the two evils. Me being the smart ass that I am proposed a deal. I would do it if MB went underwear shopping (which she HATES with an undying passion). I thought I had it in the bag. Embarrassing me with this outfit and pastie shopping could not be worth the agony of her going underwear shopping.

I WAS WRONG. FML

She went underwear shopping the next day. Now I’m stuck having to fulfill my half of the deal. I DO NOT APPROVE. My mom described my boobs as MOSQUITO BITES once and pasties will make me look like a 12 year old girl or dude with awkward man boobs.

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